Hello,
What a week it has been.
Even as people are excited about going back, I am feeling quite anxious about having to socialise again, and to go back to ‘real’ events rather than the virtual events that we have become so used to. I feel like I have lost the ability to do basic driving tasks like park in a multi-story carpark, or in narrow spaces along the road. Even as it is strange and rather surreal doing all those zoom talks where we have to look at our own faces as we speak, at least I know that I can just step outside my door and be with my children at bedtime, that I don’t have to travel across the country to give an hour talk, that I can still work when I am riddled with pain and chronic fatigue.
Of course, real-life events are exciting, there is an opportunity to engage with people face-to-face, to meet new people, strike new friendships, have unexpected conversations. All these things are not possible in virtual events. I don’t know what the answer is, but it is definitely not just one or the other. It is about being more inclusive as we move forward so that we can have a balance, and so that we can take care of mothers, fathers, parents, those with caring responsibilities, those with chronic illnesses and disabilities, and those who do not have the financial resources to afford childcare and travel to attend real-life events. We have to make sure that all people can have access to these events, which I have to say has been one of the very few good things about the lockdown.
EVENTS:
Speaking of virtual events, I will be at HAY FESTIVAL (Yay!) on 28th May speaking with Laura Bates (Everyday Sexism) and Joeli Brearley (Pregnant then Screwed) about MOTHERLOAD. You can book it on the Hay Festival website, and also purchase a signed copy of (M)otherhood there.
This is what Laura Bates has to say about (M)otherhood:
"A book about the disparate forces of duty, stereotypes, pressure, double standards and expectations forced upon women, Agarwal cuts through all of it to examine the multiplicity and complexity of motherhood in all its myriad forms.
A moving, urgent and necessary read, ultimately it is a book about love"
CHILDCARE:
The lockdown has been tough for parents, especially mothers, even though there has been some positive aspects to it especially in highlighting the huge gender disparity that still exists. And the childcare costs are exorbitant. How are we not doing anything about it? The message that the government has put out is that it is the women’s job. Yes, after the collective outrage, they removed this advert but it showed this government’s whole dismissive attitude towards women.
This tweet really hit hard, showing the extent of this current crisis, and the responses to it here show just how it is widening the gender gap in our society, with more women than men forced to give up their careers to look after the children.
ARTICLES:
I am just writing a commissioned piece about mothering in pandemic, so if you have anything to share, please do add in comments HERE. Or message me! I would love to include your experiences.
This is an article from 2013 but still seems as relevant. While ultimately somehow it comes down to women to make sacrifices, either in terms of not having children, or giving up their careers, what we really need is support. As Zadie Smith says: ‘the real threat to all women's freedom is the issue of time, which is the same problem whether you are a writer, factory worker or nurse. We need decent public daycare services, partners who do their share, affordable childcare and/or a supportive community of friends and family.’ We need all this, rather than making women feel guilty of whatever choice they make.
BOOKS:
Some books that I have read recently and enjoyed:
FAULT LINES by Emily Itami
THE WILD TRACK by Margaret Reynolds
BURNT SUGAR by Avni Doshi
Here’s what Avni has to say about (M)OTHERHOOD:
"Intimate and insightful, Pragya Agarwal expands the meaning of the word motherhood in this brilliant book.
This is urgent, essential reading for everyone"
ART/MEDIA:
This film from the Motherhood Project with monologues from mothers (and a few fathers) about parenting in lockdown looks good and it supports REFUGE.
This series of paintings by Titus Kaphar really hit me hard. Black mothers are mourning the loss of their children. For a long time. Black children, and young men and women being shot and killed. How must these mothers feel? How do they breathe, live, carry on? I find it painful just imagining the immense inter-generational trauma that this whole community is carrying with them. More on my instagram page at motherhood_otherhood.
Titus Kaphar, The distance between what we have and what we want, 2019. Oil on canvas. Photo: © Titus Kaphar.
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Also, remember you can pre-order (M)otherhood at any of the online bookshops. Pre-orders really help authors, so please do share the link and think about it!
Thank you for reading, and supporting.
Pragya